Finding and losing family members

Last spring, I managed to track down Patricia O'Reilly (1st cousin of my father, daughter of Blanche DeMarc-O'Reilly-Pastorino and Joseph Albert O'Reilly). From Blanche's obit, I found her step-sister's name and via internet searches, I managed to get her phone number. The step-sister gave me her last known address and phone number which didn't get me far.

My dad had a brilliant idea that an old friend of his, had ties to Redding, CA where Patricia's was last noted as residing. I tracked my dad's friend who, after doing some catch up, decided to go to the last known address for Patricia and failing in finding her, would talk to neighbors.

Well, he didn't find Pat, but found a talkative neighbor who agreed to help. Apparently Pat had a stroke several years back and was in a nursing home. She was a drinker who had few friends, severed family ties, and was pretty much a loner. She kept money hidden in her freezer and the neighbor told us that she wasn't trusting of anyone, feeling that they were out to get her money.

The very sweet neighbor told us the nursing home Pat was at and agreed to facilitate a visit to her. Off dad and I went to Redding for a dual purposes. One, to find Pat and two, to visit with dad's old friend.

Pat's old neighbor was little old lady and the sweetest thing. Chatty, lonely, and helpful. We went to pick her up and drove over to the nursing home. We brought flowers for Pat, pink roses because that's what her old neighbor told us she had loved. Apparently Pat used to tend to her rose bushes with love and care and was a cat lover. We also brought old photos of the family so that we could prove who we were and new photos of the family she never met.

With the kindly help of a CNA on duty, we found Pat eating lunch in the cafeteria . She seemed pleased to have visitors and the flowers. The saddest part of all, Pat could only say, 'Yes.' She couldn't speak other than that, but the cadence in which she said the word somewhat expressed how she felt. We left to let her finish her meal while the CNA led us back to her room.

My dad was devastated. He has spent such a long time without contact with anyone other than his father as far as the O'Reilly clan goes, that I know he was holding out hope for more. So was I to tell the truth. The sadness we both felt was evident and I choked back tears on the way to her room.

There was little in the way of personal effects in Pat's room. Some DVD's, a small TV, and one photo album with pictures of Pat as a youth where she was obviously modeling. The pictures included one of her mother and some other people we didn't know.

There were some cards and letters, but we didn't get much chance to look at them as Pat was soon wheeled in. By now, you could tell that she wasn't pleased we were there. I believe she figured out that we were family and was quite insistent that we leave. She was waving us off, turned her back to us and was shaking her head 'no.'

So, family found and family lost. I'm not quite ready to give up on Pat, but I'm lost as how to go about connecting with her. I'm still trying to get over her inability to speak and the way we were dismissed. I guess it hit me harder than I thought. One thing is for sure, I need to do whatever I'm going to do before she's really gone.

~SIGH~